Getting Through Breakup Pain

Getting through a breakup means real loss, and the greater the love, the connection and the intimacy, the greater the breakup pain and the suffering.

This loss can take over your thoughts and feelings, and you will certainly experience breakup pain. You've lost a loved one and now there's an emptiness in your life.

Why breakup pain seems trivialized in our society

This suffering is in fact very often underestimated. A breakup is classed among life events, it has become something commonplace that everyone experiences at least once. So we tell ourselves that we're fine, that it doesn't matter. Fortunately, this is often the case. But for some it can be the trigger for major difficulties: severe depression, anxiety, decompensation and breakup pain when the ground is fragile. Some will no longer be able to work and get stuck. Others take refuge in alcohol, drugs or adopt risky behaviors, especially sexual ones... In a breakup we sometimes truly feel we will never get over it. That we can't live without the other person, that we will die. Archaic fears of separation and even of death can resurface. It is very physical, like a FEELINGS

A breakup triggers the same psychological processes as a death. You really have to grieve, but for someone who is still there and who denies us their presence, their love, their support. It is extremely painful. A couple represents an illusion of permanence. We build ourselves a little bubble, with benchmarks we consider stable, projections into the future. When all of this suddenly ends, it's as if life stops. Our world, our balance, our dreams fall apart. It's a major upheaval of psychological landmarks. Sometimes an earthquake, a tsunami.

Acceptance: your path through breakup pain

Acceptance doesn't mean "giving up" or "forgetting" or suddenly "everything is fine." Acceptance is a kind of inner strength and clarity, a way of seeing life in this moment as it really is. Life has changed, and there's no point in living it the way it used to be. That other person is no longer there, the routines, the social life and the personal interactions will be different. Acceptance comes gradually over time, as you encounter new situations and events. You won't replace what you've lost, but you might open yourself to new friendships, connections and new relationships.

Instead of denying your feelings, you'll start to pay more attention to your own needs. You will live your life fully again, but only if you respect the process of loss and true healing.