Unhappy in Your Relationship

Relationships often fall apart. In about every second case. The question is why you're unhappy in your relationship and what led to it.

The answer is as subjective as it is objective. That is, the individual combines with the general, and the social context meets the psychological foundation. In every relationship. To a layperson that sounds rather scientific, so here's a simple explanation of why relationships fail, and not in turbo mode, but more in a somewhat faster garden-snail mode.

Unhappy in your relationship: not at the beginning

At the start we're in love or we're looking for the right partner. A good casting-call relationship. Maybe love comes later. You like each other, each other's quirks, nothing bothers you. That even lasts two years, sometimes three. The hormone responsible is phenylethylamine. That's the infatuation hormone. If we kept it forever, we'd go dumb. After two to three years this hormone is used up and gone. It fades. Suddenly the quirks of your partner bother you. Now the relationship neutralizes quite dryly and we find out what holds us together, what remains. What's important. It's no longer about pink clouds but about staying power. Nothing has to rust, but the one who's unhappy in the relationship is the one looking for something new, the kick, who doesn't like the old rut of everyday life. This is where people split up, because they're unhappy in the relationship and are looking for a new partner. For life or not. One wants fun, the other doesn't.

Unhappy in your relationship: does couples therapy help?
Well, many people go to a therapist then, and in the end it's always said that for those unhappy in their relationship the therapist earned the most, even though he's the one who actually knows right from the start that nothing can be saved here. It's expensive, too. Exactly. And many people say that before they have to go to someone like that, they'd rather admit the marriage is over. Well, if both see it that way, nobody has to suffer who's unhappy in the relationship. Whether it's both partners or just one of them. In therapy you can at least filter out what the problem between you is, and sometimes children, close friends or relatives are brought in to find out what's going on and what can be patched up in the unhappy relationship.

Unhappy in your relationship

If you don't want to bring in a therapist, then cluster your lists yourselves and ask what holds you together and brings you together in the relationship. Why are you unhappy in the relationship? What exactly is going on? How can you be saved? There's no magic formula for this, because, as said at the start, everyone has to figure it out for themselves.