When Should You Go to Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy makes sense whenever a couple still basically loves each other but no longer feels happy. It doesn't matter whether this unhappiness only affects one area of the relationship or several.

Therapy doesn't have to be considered at the first argument. But when problems, quarrels and dissatisfaction pile up, and you feel you can no longer cope with them on your own, then it's time to get help.

An important prerequisite is that both partners want the therapy and are open to it. And the relationship should matter so much to both of them that they want it to become happy again. Both should also be willing to fight for the relationship and to work on themselves and on the relationship.

Where should you go for couples therapy?

There are various options for therapy. There are specially trained therapists. Often their basic training is in social work or psychotherapy. It's advisable to make sure the therapist already has experience in the field.

You can also visit a counseling center run by a church or a nonprofit community organization. There, it's mostly social workers who carry out the couples therapy.

It's important to work only with a therapist with whom both partners feel comfortable and well looked after. Therapy can only be successful if both partners can open up to the therapist and the chemistry is right.

What can couples therapy achieve, and how does it work?

The big goal of any couples therapy is for both partners to find their way back to each other and be happy together again. It should be clear, though, that this doesn't always succeed. You should make it clear to yourselves from the start that it can take a certain amount of time before the first successes appear.

There is no fixed script for couples therapy that can simply be worked through. Just as every person is individual, so is every therapy.

As a rule, during the first sessions the therapist will try to find out which problems exist. After that, the aim is to look for the causes of the problems and to find ways to solve them step by step.

An important feature of therapy is that it is always about both partners' perspectives. So it's not only about how SHE felt in a situation, for example, but also how HE felt.

It's also important to know that the conversations with the therapist alone usually won't bring about change. What matters more is that after a session the partners think about what was discussed and, where applicable, do the exercises suggested. That means that ultimately both partners have to rethink their behavior and possibly change it. In most cases, it also involves shifting perspectives and taking new paths.